I heard a song on my shower radio just recently that had me doubled over with laughter by the end... I couldn't tell if the band were trying to be funny, or being serious (about writing the most whiny, cliched song ever). After properly hosing off, I was compelled to look the lyrics up. Turns out, it's Seven Mary Three. Painting vivid pictures (the song, and presumably the new album are captured perfectly in this review) with fiery teen angst passion... except not so much with the fiery... and I think they're like, closer to retirement than me... well, you get the picture. A few choice lines: I slept through easter yesterday Right through christmas just the same The priest came up to me all up in arms He said, devil boy what have you done? OK, ok... first off, can anyone tell me the last time their priest "came at you all up in arms" about missing a mass? Maybe he's trying to say he slept for 8 months? Aside from that, Christmas and Easter masses are usually so packed you can barely breathe. Not that I would expect this fellow to have any real idea about that, just setting the premise as the lyrics grow further in humor briefly... and by briefly, I mean the very next stanza: The jesuits rolled in their tanks to my front door While the capuchins held a love-in on my front porch The augustinians kept to themselves, stuck their tongues out in a row They said, devil boy, its off to hell you go! Riiiight... once your career starts flagging, toss a few Catholic order names around and the controversy will start the cash flowing again, right? Well, not if your song/movie/book is laughably pathetic. Sorry guys. Even non-Catholics who are remotely involved in theology or politics would probably be in tears (the funny kind) at the thought of Jesuits in tanks. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Mel Brooks made that the title of his very next movie. What self absorbed tripe. Ohhhh... old boy missed Easter and Christmas, so the entire Catholic Church and all her orders are working against me... boo hooooo. It's important to note it is sung in boo hoo style. Anyway, onward we go. The next couple of stanzas are uninspired, but do an amazingly smooth job of transitioning the song from cliched anti-religion song to cliched love-lost song. He references "her" in one of the lines, which could be interpreted as a classic reference to God as a woman which alt-rockers sometimes use thinking it will make Christians angry (impossible as God is omnipotent and genderless), but clearly is not as he is referring to Jesus Christ, factually male. Our sad, saaaad friend finishes up as follows: For heavens sake Its only been 2000 years And I cant wait any longer for you For heavens sake Id give away eternity If you would come back to me, if would come back to me If you would come back to me, if would come back to me So there you go. If you're feeling down and need a good belly laugh, find this song somewhere online. You may find yourself weeping, but probably not as intended. Update (09/13/06): I have been advised through a kind poster in the comments section that this song is actually about 10 years old. I believe at that time I was typically listening to "music," and thusly am unsurprised that I would have missed this forgettable tune. Either way, I apologize for any inference that this may have been a recent release. It should be noted that this was played between more recent pop tunes on WEBN. This reminds me, why do DJs still exist? Do people actually enjoy their useless banter, devoid of any semblance of sentient thought? In today's digital age, we should be able to automate the entire process. Apologies to DJs who are actually entertaining and informative, it just seems at least here in Cincinnati that there is not one worth 1 second of my time, and WEBN seems to consistently have the worst. I think I need more coffee this morning.